Hey, Canada! This is a collection of jokes all about you! Make fun of yourself, redneck Albertans, BC Lotus Eaters, Saskatchewan stubble jumpers, especially Toronto the Good, Newfies, and of course, Quebeckers, too. Let’s hear it for the good ole Canadian funny bone!
Ontario vs. Quebec
Two men, one from Ontario and one from Quebec, were in a cave when they came across a magic lamp.
While they were fighting over whom the lamp belonged to, a genie popped out.
The genie said, “I shall grant each of you one wish and only one, so make it good.”
The Quebecois spoke first, “I want you to build a one hundred-foot high wall around the border of Quebec. This will ensure that the English culture does not corrode our superior heritage.”
The genie nodded, “done,” he then turned to the Ontarian. “And your wish?”
“Fill it with water.”
Q: Why did the Canadian cross the road?
A: To get in the middle!
You might be from BC if:
• You don’t own a heavy winter coat.
• You think double-glazed windows are for those in Ontario with cold weather.
• You go broke just paying the rent.
• That two bedroom fixer-upper house costs $1 million.
• It’s November, it’s raining, but you’re still wearing Birkenstocks.
• You think the Canucks have a chance of winning the Cup.
• All your friends’ names end in Lee and Patel.
• You smoke the best weed.
An Ontarian, an Albertan, and a Newfie are running from the cops. They run into an alley and see a pile of sacks, which they decide to hide in. The cops follow them into the alley and kick the bag with the Ontarian in it.
The Ontarian goes, “Meow!”
Cop says, “Ah, it’s just a bag full of cats.”
They kick the bag with the Albertan in it, and he goes, “Woof!”
Cops think, “Okay, dog in a bag, whatever.”
Then they kick the bag with the Newfie in it, and he goes, “Potato!”
Q: How can you tell if an Alberta redneck is married?
A: There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.